Monday, January 29, 2007
Yummy...~! Mom & dad brought us to my fav restuarant...Jumbo! Fav food is seafood... nice environment at riverside point...super nice view... but, super cold too..strong winds & drizzing~ Haiz...trembling while i tried to peel the shells of prawns and crabs..haha! Was really happy.....
Felt tat my relationship with my family has gotten better~~ My life now....Felt really relieved tat i managed to handle situations on my own now...make decisions, gain trust from my family. Ha, guess someone really earned a credit though... but wadever it is, its for our future~! =) Really glad tat we had tat talk..... made me understand and get a clearer picture of our future. Well... i m getting older soon..haha! Big day on Feb... hmmm, i made a promised to myself, no more tears and unhappy stuffs on my bday anymore! I wanna live free & be happy! Most importantly..... its the dance. (Hee, weird rite? Its only between us) Every yr's bday...this is wad i look forward to.... hee~! I'll be looking forward to tat day~! Nitey~~ tml morning shift gotta slp early... (Nite Bi)
[loved you`]
at 10:41 PM
Friday, January 26, 2007
Whoa...so many days i m not able to update my blog. Craps, my com is down...hmmm all thanks to the SCV cable guy. fixed my SCV but screwed my modem. Haiz.. remembered the days when i didn't hv my com to surf the net...GOSH! my mood was real real bad... fiery! Haha...weird though..time really changed someone, its been almost to a wk & my com is still not fixed...& yet.. i m quite cool abt it. Hmmm.... so many things to update.. dunno where to start >.<>>One fine dayReally weird thoughts has been on my mind these few days. Kept thinking of my grand aunt which was not really in contact with my family anymore. Suddenly memories of my past childhood yrs flashed in my mind. Heard her singing the song which she will sing to me everyday when she carried me in her arms. The song of "Snow White" waiting for her prince to come & rescue her. Quoted from one of the phrase:" Someday my prince will come, we'll find our love oneday...wedding bells will ring, someday when my dreams come true..." Hmmm... abit ancient song but i felt warm & loving...>>Shopping spreeFinally got my "shopping momentum" back! Past 2 months, i lost almost everything... even my shopping mood! Argh! really dun feel like doing anything... (1st time though) Its great to hv u back old pal! Ha...Shop! Shop! Shop! >>Working like a cowFinally passed my test tat day...Whew! Real tricky MCQ questions...nid a 80% to pass, which means 30 questions, i nid to get a 24 marks to "JUST PASS"!! Whew! was really close to fail.. i got a juz nice 24 marks for it... haha! Another theory test coming... soon..REAL SOON! haiz! I thought i could throw away test and exams after i graduated..but no no no... headache!>>Abt him...? Hee.... i m juz glad! Happy...felt sweet in the heart... =) Guess its a secret between us... eventhough we didnt really contact for sometime... i still felt sweet....dunno why?! =)
[loved you`]
at 4:33 PM
Friday, January 19, 2007
Haiz... today flood in A&E again... Flood here, flood there, everywhere FLOOD FLOOD!! So many patients...forever also cannot clear finish. OMG! Dunno y everyone is so sick.... Another few blue blacks on my body, really dunno how to prevent it..the prob is i dunno how i got those!?! Juz got my new shift for next mth, so happy! Many night shifts... can earn lotsa lotsa $$! Keke! =P Yea~ cant wait to be on leave.... taking whole stretch of leaves for my Bday! Wanna rest.... stressful manz! Hope this yr i can be as happy as my 21st birthday... I juz wanna spent it with...... hmmm.... i hope so..... tml got test again.. gottta study! Will update soon! Nitez.. (nite bi)
[loved you`]
at 11:21 PM
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Crazy Work LifeAnother busy day at work today. Gosh...started work with a full house of patients & ended with a full house too! LOL... my senior asked me a question today, "wads ur objectives?" i said i wanted to do trauma case, to fulfill my checklist. BINGO! About 2 hrs b4 we end our shift, a trauma case really came in! Ha Ha... (real "golden" mouth) morole of the story is.... nv ask me anything tat is "suay", coz its really gonna happen! =PI miss him alotAfter so long... nearly 2 months le, still thinking of him everyday. Though no more contacts, no more crying every nite & day... my heart still aches when i thought abt him. Till now, i still dun really know how he managed to endure such pain & all these misses.... Why m i still persistent in waiting for him..?? I had my reasons, i believed in him... dunno why i trust him so much... love is blind ya? NOPE! I'm not blind...my heart & mind is clear...concious, aware of wads happening & wad's he is trying to do. After so many failures in BGR..he said he will be the 1 who will treasure me till the end. (I truly trust him). Things will change...with determinations & strong will power.. i believe tat our love will prove everything! Now, let him fly ba..soar high up in the sky, when u hv seen enough of the sky...do remember to come home! I'll be here waiting always.....=)
[loved you`]
at 10:27 PM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
The AccidentHad an accident yesterday morning, front collision. Lucky, no one was really injured. My maid's face was slightly bruised, my stomach was hurt by the seat belt (it felt better now), thank god my mom was fine... actually tat day she was suppose to sit in the front sit, as usual the naughty me will always fight with her for the sit... So, my mom was saved. But unfortunately.... the driver, my dad... he is suffering from a mild PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) now... He dun dare to drive anymore. Despite wad my mom said, he will nv in his life forget abt tat very morning. I guess i was the only 1 tat can understand how daddy felt.. at tat very moment when i knew tat the car is gonna hit, all i could think of is "M i gonna die?", "Will i ever get to see him again?" i guess daddy was thinking abt us... Its really hard for others to truly understand till they faces the same situation. Since tat incident, it made me even more certain abt wad i thot if previously... We will never know wads gonna happen to us the very next min of our lives... treasure wads around us! Though its really tough to walk the long & bumpy road of life... but together, nothing can bring us down! When god closes my door real tight, he left a window wide open for me to breathe~! I always believe... 真诚所至，金石为开。(Hmmm...hope i got my mandrin right?!) Gosh, i'm really bad at it... Jan 14Well, thought tat i could meet up with him yesterday(Jan 14) ...it's past 12 midnight now... "Happy anniversary" well silly....i said to myself~! We'll meet again soon...our 约定 ya? Haiz~! Dun wanna think abt it ... wads worrying me now is my papa... gd nite... *(gd nite bi)
[loved you`]
at 11:32 PM
Friday, January 12, 2007
Since yesterday, it has been raining non-stop... my heart too, its been crying since the day he left. As soft-hearted as i can be, i waited & waited & waited... for the past month my mind, soul..its just him.. Ha..till i dun even recognise myself anymore~! I always believed tat i truly understand the whole situation, not matter wad others say, the trust i hv in him wouldn't even move an inch. So much so tat, now i realised... it hurts so so much! Perhaps tats the reason it kept raining?! (Hmmm i much be thinking too much le) Be it wadever tat happens in the future... I will live free... stronger... I'm tired, real real tired... no more of all these nonsense!! My conscience is clear....is urs too? I've got all the answers now.....
[loved you`]
at 5:25 PM
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Today is really a bad day for me... everything seems wrong... the weather's wrong, its been raining the whole day...it seems like the sky's crying. Trying hard to stop thinking...gosh! the thought's really killing me! No longer thinking abt wad's wrong with both of us... now it's, why? Why m i so alone?!? Where's everyone? When i just need someone to listen? I tried calling... it's all the voicemail tat is greeting me... Been staring at the tv for the whole day..kept watching shows till my head's gonna burst! It hurts... my migraine is back. Haiz! I felt like i m only needed when...."needed", or "used". M I REALLY A TRASH? SOMEONE TO BE USED & DUMPED?! For crying out loud! I m really losing my mind!!!
[loved you`]
at 10:19 PM
Sunday, January 07, 2007
The devotionNot sure is it becoz of the loneliness in my heart that i m turning all my attention to work, family, friends and foremost the devotion to god. Praying, attending special events in temples are things that i would really wanna do now... seeking help and serenity through prayers are the only solutions tat i have now... How much i miss him? Keep asking myself, Do i love him as the way he is now? or Do i miss the past? I really have not the slightest idea wad is in his mind rite now... Yes, he wans me to be independent, love my family and be more independent... is tat the reason u r letting go to let me roam free? **(A question tat i know i might never have the answer....) We will be frens again, but not now... will u forget me by then? (I dun dare to think abt it). Jan 27 its a big day... i do hope he still remembers wad special day it is...i really do hope to go with him. I know its his favorite.... (",)Well... i leave it to him... i m juz awaiting...awaiting..... awaiting.....
[loved you`]
at 10:06 PM
Friday, January 05, 2007
Long day out...finally back hm. Lucky not too many ppl at the temple, i was rather blur over there.. haha~! something really funny happened, thot tat when i 求签（asking from guidance from god) i gotta be more sincere by closing my eyes & keep shaking those bamboo sticks...LOL~! Who knows the next moment before i knew it my mom shouted at me, den i realised tat the ground is filled with my sticks! Flying all over the place...-.-" i was so pai seh... haiz! so blur as ever.... gosh! goota go 4 a round 2 den... but this time i stared hard at the sticks! Ha Ha! I managed to get 1 after maybe abt 5 mins? Got a book from the shelves trying to act smart..wanted to explain the lot by myself. Then when i stared at the piece of paper....-.-" i realised it's all in chinese words... It's like the paper know me but i dunno him... Next solution... appraoched the ah pek sitting outside. Hmm...wad i got was a good lot.. everything is fine except for BGR problems.. Yea~! true true... all these years it has been like this...
Well, it's been almost 4 days....no sms, no chat. We hv continued to live our own life.. Keep asking myself how is he now? Is he still mad at me? Wanted so much to share my thots and problems with him... seems like he is so far far away...
[loved you`]
at 8:56 PM
Wanted to sleep longer...woken up by the yelling & the cheering frm the swimming complex next to my flat.. OMG~! It starting @ 0800++ , made me toss & turn till now... ARGH! Well, that's the cons for staying next to the pool..ha! Going out soon.. dear mummy has taken half day leave to accompany me. Really thank her for tat, glad to hv a mother & daughter outing... but first destination ----> to the temple! Heard from my fren its really good praying in the 四马路 temple de... I wanna know my life... my fate... Yea~ might not be true, but it serves as a guideline... Desperate to find a solution, seek help from professionals & now from the gods.
Opps! Time's running out...gotta bath now~! Ciao~ BRB.....
[loved you`]
at 12:14 PM
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Another night of insomia...waking up in the middle of the night in cold sweat. I often hv this kind of dreams previously..but when the minute i open my eyes, beautiful sunshine and his assuring voice tells me tat its all a dream, its not gonna happen silly girl~~! This time, no sunshine, no voice, no light...all in darkness. I m standing at the door of happiness.. i just nid the key to open it.
Watching TVB movies rite now, Healing Hands 3. Great show related to my career. Dunno whether its fate or coincidence tat this show has many meaning phrases. i wanna share it with u all... Its 1 of my Fav:
- The hardest part of a tree usually has the most scars
- It went through many hardship and layers & layers of skin grew
- Its strong & steady now, ready to face the cold & hard world to fight for its survival
Likewise the tree is just like us...many painful experiences made us stronger.
As for me? Hah... still as weak as ever... I'm a darn lousy tree!
[loved you`]
at 11:14 PM
My first blog?
Can't believe tat i actually starts to blog.. used to think tat blogging its something which allows ppl to invade into ur privacy... Things has really changed for me, no longer used to think the way i had thot before and sad to say....my *true self * is gone. Never in my life i m so lost and confused abt my existence in this world... hey, c'ommon who hasn't? U might think tat ya? The old Jennifer tat i knew, did not.. at least i m darn sure y m i still breathing the air on earth.. The fav phrase tat i hv heard since 8th December 2006 @ 0230hrs, y give up the whole forest 4 a tree? Tat's what almost 99% of my pals around me said to me, when i got devastated the day he left me. As usual, the stubborn me refused to listen, my answer will always be the same till on my death bed will be " Firstly, he is no ordinary tree... Secondly, i hv no forest, all i wan is this tree!" The usual reaction will be the uprolling of eyes & saying tat i'm hopeless. (Hey dun tell me u r doing tat too!?) Ok la..everyone got their own perception of love & sacrifice. I m the sort tat is willing to do all sorts to hang on to my own happiness. (but not those sadist lover killer ar-.-")
Ha... i remembered he once told me.. after all the past experiences tat i hv gone through n yet i dun learn anything out of it?! Yes, unhappy experiences taught me many things, i didnt relate them on him coz i believed tat everyone deserves a new chance n not letting my past start to influence & cloud my judgement for him. I dunno is it becoz of my horoscope or inborn personality make me felt this way.. be it for a fren or lover, i believe tat i m sincere, i hv done all that i could do and as long as i know, my conscience for u is clear. If u aprreciate, many thanks & i m so grateful tat i hv known u, if not, well...no grudge, no hatred & no regrets... i dun owe u anything anymore..
My fav example now... I hv burnt my hands, i used to keep thinking tat "how this happened?!", "wad could i hv done to prevent this?!" "Pls rewind the situation, i cant bear the pain!!" till recently i found out... its of no use! This just brought me from 1 deep, dark & stinky hole to another endless pit! Gosh! I keep asking wad he wants me to do? wad can i do to please him? It's really driving me nuts... agreed! "Messed up!" is the word! Now? I just wanna find all sorts of solutions to heal the scar, take some painkillers to numb the area and go for a plastic surgery perhaps?! Nevertheless, i m still holding the string...( i guess only he can understand wad string m i holding on to) tired? yes very very infact... but i will wait... not wait like the way i used to, now silently is the word. If we r meant to be together...nothing in this world can separate us! (Hey, i've got ur meaning) Gotta learnt it the hard & painful way....
[loved you`]
at 1:04 PM
Yummy...~! Mom & dad brought us to my fav restuarant...Jumbo! Fav food is seafood... nice environment at riverside point...super nice view... but, super cold too..strong winds & drizzing~ Haiz...trembling while i tried to peel the shells of prawns and crabs..haha! 
Felt tat my relationship with my family has gotten better~~