Can't believe tat i actually starts to blog.. used to think tat blogging its something which allows ppl to invade into ur privacy... Things has really changed for me, no longer used to think the way i had thot before and sad to say....my *true self * is gone. Never in my life i m so lost and confused abt my existence in this world... hey, c'ommon who hasn't? U might think tat ya? The old Jennifer tat i knew, did not.. at least i m darn sure y m i still breathing the air on earth.. The fav phrase tat i hv heard since 8th December 2006 @ 0230hrs, y give up the whole forest 4 a tree? Tat's what almost 99% of my pals around me said to me, when i got devastated the day he left me. As usual, the stubborn me refused to listen, my answer will always be the same till on my death bed will be " Firstly, he is no ordinary tree... Secondly, i hv no forest, all i wan is this tree!" The usual reaction will be the uprolling of eyes & saying tat i'm hopeless. (Hey dun tell me u r doing tat too!?) Ok la..everyone got their own perception of love & sacrifice. I m the sort tat is willing to do all sorts to hang on to my own happiness. (but not those sadist lover killer ar-.-")
Ha... i remembered he once told me.. after all the past experiences tat i hv gone through n yet i dun learn anything out of it?! Yes, unhappy experiences taught me many things, i didnt relate them on him coz i believed tat everyone deserves a new chance n not letting my past start to influence & cloud my judgement for him. I dunno is it becoz of my horoscope or inborn personality make me felt this way.. be it for a fren or lover, i believe tat i m sincere, i hv done all that i could do and as long as i know, my conscience for u is clear. If u aprreciate, many thanks & i m so grateful tat i hv known u, if not, well...no grudge, no hatred & no regrets... i dun owe u anything anymore..
My fav example now... I hv burnt my hands, i used to keep thinking tat "how this happened?!", "wad could i hv done to prevent this?!" "Pls rewind the situation, i cant bear the pain!!" till recently i found out... its of no use! This just brought me from 1 deep, dark & stinky hole to another endless pit! Gosh! I keep asking wad he wants me to do? wad can i do to please him? It's really driving me nuts... agreed! "Messed up!" is the word! Now? I just wanna find all sorts of solutions to heal the scar, take some painkillers to numb the area and go for a plastic surgery perhaps?! Nevertheless, i m still holding the string...( i guess only he can understand wad string m i holding on to) tired? yes very very infact... but i will wait... not wait like the way i used to, now silently is the word. If we r meant to be together...nothing in this world can separate us! (Hey, i've got ur meaning) Gotta learnt it the hard & painful way....